10) Weekly testicle measurements.
9) Must reduce his man-breasts to a B-cup.
8) Creation of a new XXXL wool cap to fit Bonds’s head that doubles as a poncho for his teammates.
7) Allows Bonds's Giants teammates to respond to him with, “yes, you did f%$*&n stutter – you might want to consider a speech therapist.”
6) Upon his release from prison, Greg Anderson to receive 72 virgins for his martyrdom.
5) Bonds no longer allowed to have personal trainers, doctors, lawyers, H&R Block representatives, mistresses, motivational speakers, or Kim Jong-Il in the clubhouse.
4) Gets to eat Barbaro, so he can ingest both the horse’s popularity and any precious Equopoise or other anabolic steroids that may have been in its bloodstream.
3) If Bonds is convicted of any crime, Mark Sweeney will serve the sentence.
2) Upon hitting his 756th home run, Giants would get to throw Bonds in the San Francisco Bay with concrete boots.
1) Every time Bonds hits a homer, a devil would get his horns.
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