#28 - Seattle Mariners - A Whole Latte Trouble Brewing

Remember that glorious day back in 2000 when the Kingdome went the way of Steven Seagal's career (by the way, here's a fun site where you can blow up the Kingdome - tell me it's not addictive)? Having been to approximately 20 major league baseball stadiums, I can safely say that the Kingdome was the ugliest place I ever watched a baseball game (but in fairness, I haven't been to Tropicana Field or any of the nine circles of hell). Seattle fans may now be wishing that they could implode their roster. It's hard to believe that the 116-46 juggernaut was six short years ago. Now, the M's roster is uglier than the Kingdome's grey ceiling. All the Starbucks in the world wouldn't make this team watchable. Given the recent poor acquisitions by GM Bill Bavasi (Jose Guillen? Miguel Batista?? Jose Vidro???) and bad trades (Rafael Soriano for Horacio Ramirez???), it looks like it will get worse before it gets better. Here's what you need to know about the 2007 Mariners:

Biggest reason for hope- Felix Hernandez decided to stop taking offseason workout advice from David Wells, and lost 20 pounds. Will his newfound physique lead him to meet all of the Dwight Gooden comparisons? Just for the record, I'm referring to the 20-year old Gooden with the dominating fastball, and not the coked-out, wife-beating Gooden we've come to know since then.

Biggest potential nightmare for M's fans- Ichiro is a free agent at the end of the season. If the Mariners are non-competitive this year and he continues to have a Donald Trump/Rosie O'Donnell relationship with his manager, it's probable that this could be his last season in Seattle, thus causing triple tall soy extra foam lattes to be dropped everywhere in horror.

Player to watch- Jeff Weaver. Just who is this guy, anyway? Is he the guy that the Angels sold for almost nothing and who finished last year with an 8-14 record and 5.76 ERA? Or is he the talented guy who finally figured out and was an instrumental cog in helping the Cardinals win the World Series.

Why do we still have to watch this player? - Jose Vidro. At the beginning of the offseason, I saw this ad in the Washington Post: "Wanted - older singles hitter with bad knees to be DH. Not necessary to score or drive in runs." Make offers to Seattle Mariners." The Nationals took the M's up on this offer, and now the washed-up Vidro is Seattle's DH. On the bright side, he's not Carl Everett, who was Seattle's DH at the start of last year. So, while Vidro may be unproductive, at least he believes in dinosaurs (probably because he is one).

Telling statistic - Seattle ranked 13th in OBP and runs scored in the American League last year, only beating out the Devil Rays in both categories. So how do they try to improve their offense this year? By signing free-swingers Guillen and Vidro. Seattle may hit a lot of solo homers this year.

Interesting fact signifying nothing - Miguel Batista has recently published a murder mystery entitled The Avenger of Blood. Batista got the inspiration for the book after meeting Carl Everett.

Projected record & finish - 61-101, 4th place, AL West.

Prediction that won’t come true but should - The Mariner Moose becomes the first mascot to come out of the closet. While he is scorned by many mascots, he receives touching support from Mr. Met.