It seems like an annual rite of summer. The Astros get off to a horrible start and are worth less than Enron stock. Then, amazingly, the team turns into the Harlem Globetrotters and never loses. At the end of the day, the Astros always seem to be in the thick of it. By the way, remember when Minute Maid Park was Enron Field? I'm surprised that the Astros wanted to be disassociated from Enron. Don't worry, evildoers, there still is a Halliburton Plaza right outside of the park. You can see Dick Cheney's sly grin stare right back at you. Don't stare too closely, though - that's how the mind control begins.However, the Astros stretch of cardiac runs should take a hiatus this year. While the offense is improved, the pitching staff is not what it has been in past seasons, even if old-what's his-name comes out of his annual retirement to pitch in June. Balls will be flying into the Crawford Boxes this season like oil out of a south Texas well. It may be exciting to watch the Astros, but it doesn't mean that they'll win. Here's what to expect from the Astros in 2007:
Biggest reason for hope: The Astros are in a home run hitters park, and they've built a team catered to the long ball. Slugger Carlos Lee is not worth $100 million , especially with his increasingly Krispy Kreme-esque physique (but I guess that everything is bigger in Texas). Nonetheless, Lee will form a solid middle of the lineup with Lance Berkman, Luke Scott and Morgan Ensberg. Together, these four players could hit 125 home runs.
Biggest potential nightmare: The Astros pitchers suffer from PTSD after giving up one too many homers. In the offseason, they lost Andy Pettitte and perhaps Whatshisname. To replace Pettitte, the Astros overspent in trading Willy Taveras and 2 top-tier pitching prospects for Jason Jennings, he of the lifetime 4.74 ERA. After Roy Oswalt (in fairness, one of the five best starters in baseball) and Jennings, the probable rest of the rotation includes 76 year-old Woody Williams, Wandy Rodriguez, and either Brian Moehler or Fernando Nieve. Hide the big-haired women and cowboy boot-wearing children.
Player to watch: Brad Lidge. The baseball garage is crowded with closers who could never get over giving up that one big hit - Schiraldi, Moore, Belinda Mitch Williams (who actually started hitting mascots with pitches after his '93 Series meltdown). Since Albert Pujols's homer off of him in the '05 NLCS (which I believe is still traveling), Lidge has not been the same pitcher. His ERA last year was 5.28, he allowed 10 homers, and he was removed from the closer's role more than once. Still, he has a dominating fastball/slider combo, and he did strike out 104 batters on only 75 innings. Astros fans has better hope that Lidge's arm can meld with his head. Otherwise, Lidge will have messed with Texas for the last time.
Why do we still have to watch this player?: Brad Ausmus. I like Ausmus - he's one of the few Ivy League-educated big leaguers, and he won his first Gold Glove last year. However, he's almost 38 years old, and his SLUGGING percentage was below .300 last year. He doesn't hit for average or for power, and he doesn't walk. Besides that, he's a great hitter. He should be a backup at best.
Telling Statistic: The Astros stole 79 bases last year, and 33 of those belonged to Taveras, now in Colorado. Given this loss of speed and the power in the lineup, expect the Astros to be slower than W. at a spelling bee.
Interesting fact signifying nothing: My wife is a die-hard Astros fan. If she knew I was predicting them to be below .500, let's just say that my good days would be below .500 as well.
Projected record & finish: 79-83, 4th Place, NL Central
Prediction that won’t come true but should: Whatshisname decides to un-retire in June, but the Astros decline his services, saying that they wish Roger well in his twilight years.
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